


The Things I Know

by zabimaru69103



Category: Free!
Genre: Canon Divergence, Character Study, Established Relationship, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, SouMako - Freeform, but no one drowns, drowning mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 14:59:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10619343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zabimaru69103/pseuds/zabimaru69103
Summary: "Sou... will you go somewhere with me after finals?" Makoto's question broke the comfortable silence they had been studying in. His voice had an almost...lost quality to it that Sousuke wasn't sure he'd ever heard before. Looking up from his notes, he wasn't all that surprised to see Makoto staring out the window though his expression made him frown. It was distant, like he was lost in his own thoughts. It worried him but he also knew that the rain always made Makoto more subdued and a little down.Sousuke knows something is up the moment Makoto quietly asks him if he’ll go somewhere after finals. Sousuke likes to think he knows a lot about his boyfriend…then again, maybe he doesn’t.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just going to leave this here; This is my first ever posted fic! It's super short but I was feeling inspired by a number of very talented authors who reside here and on tumblr. You should go check them out; [hollyandvice](http://hollyandvice.tumblr.com/) [gibslythe](http://gibslythe.tumblr.com/) Hope you enjoy and comments are welcome!

In a deserted corner of the university library, two figures sat hunched over notebooks as they prepared for finals. A light spring rain was pattering against the windows and the sky was a muted and soft grey, giving the atmosphere of the little corner a more somber feel.  One of the young men was thoroughly engrossed in his notes, paying the weather no heed, while the other had been staring out the window for quite some time now. Green eyes observed the grey sky without really seeing it, their owner's thoughts far away from anything like the weather.

 

"Sou... will you go somewhere with me after finals?" Makoto's question broke the comfortable silence they had been studying in. His voice had an almost...lost quality to it that Sousuke wasn't sure he'd ever heard before. Looking up from his notes, he wasn't all that surprised to see Makoto staring out the window though his expression made him frown. It was distant, like he was lost in his own thoughts. It worried him but he also knew that the rain always made Makoto more subdued and a little down. 

 

"Sure; where?" He responded simply, though his confusion and concern for his boyfriend could be heard in his tone. Makoto just shook his head slightly and looked back down at his notes, appearing to be engrossed in them once more. Sousuke could only look at him with that same small frown. Normally, the obvious avoidance would make him press but something about the way the other had asked and looked made him pause.  He didn't like it but he'd quickly learned during their time together that sometimes he just had to wait for Makoto to be ready and sometimes he needed whatever was bother him drug out. This time would be the former.

 

Even after being together for more than a year, Makoto was always surprising him with new depths and layers to his personality. Or maybe it was _because_ they'd been together for more than a year that Makoto was starting to let more of himself show. In high school, Sousuke had always thought of him as the simple, easily frightened "gentle giant" that everyone said he was. The backstroke swimmer seemed to always have a smile on his face and was kind, almost to a fault. Sure he was competitive, he'd proven that during multiple swim meets and that water gun fight, but he never seemed to get angry or upset at anything. To be honest, Sousuke hadn't thought much more of him beyond finding him attractive but too soft; A passing fancy and nothing more. He'd been too focused on his own issues with his shoulder and his friendship with Rin to pay much attention to anything else. It wasn't until after they'd had a chance meeting at university that Sousuke really took a moment to step back and look at who Tachibana Makoto was. It hadn't taken him long to realize that he really liked what he saw. It had started simply enough, study sessions and meeting up for coffee to reminisce about high school as well as discuss Rin's and Haru's current success in the Olympics. Coffee quickly turned into lunches which soon turned into dinners as they realized that they had more in common than swimming and that it was really easy and nice to just enjoy each other's company. Sousuke had quickly learned that there was more to this kind and warm hearted guy than he had originally thought.

 

Makoto was kind and gentle, that Sousuke had already known, but he was surprised to find just how a strong of a will Makoto had. Sousuke had always assumed he was just a go with the flow and never rock the boat kind of guy. He'd quickly dismissed that assumption the first time they'd had a real argument before they had officially gotten together. Sousuke had been a complete ass and he'd known it and so had Makoto and the ex Samezuka swimmer was sure that he'd never seen the ex Iwatobi Captain's expression so hard or so cold before. It hadn't been their last argument but it had definitely made Sousuke pause and reevaluate his opinion of the other male. He may have been kind and generous to a fault but he wasn't so generous as to be a doormat. Makoto never let anyone walk all over him. If he did something it was because he had chosen to do it and he stuck by his decisions when they really meant something to him. At the same time, he had no trouble admitting he was wrong and was quick to apologize though not overly so. Sousuke was surprised to discover that Makoto was a master at understanding people's emotions and how they were feeling at any given time and had the uncanny ability to know exactly what a person needed before they themselves did. He was optimistic and down to earth and it was easy to see how he had been such a successful captain and the support beam around which Nagisa had held their friends together. But every coin has its flip side and Sousuke was much more surprised to discover those hidden depths than he had been by anything else he learned about his lover.

 

Makoto sometimes felt too deeply. He could get lost in another person and their emotions and problems until very little of himself remained. That had been a learning curve for both of them when Haru had finally left for Australia. It had taken weeks for Makoto to remember that he didn’t need to pick Haru up for class or make sure he was taking care of himself. Sousuke had been genuinely surprised, and a little concerned, that Makoto had no idea what to do with himself when he wasn’t taking care of someone else. It was almost a compulsive need to be someone's support and care taker. That need had almost broken them apart for good because Sousuke was so fiercely independent. Eventually they had found a balance: Makoto had shown him that it wasn't a weakness to rely on someone else and that it was nice to be taken care of every once in a while, and Sousuke taught Makoto that the person Makoto _should_ be taking care of most of the time was _Makoto_ and that it was alright to be a little selfish once in a while.

 

Except Makoto had to be one the most selfless people Sousuke had ever met. It made sense then why he was also used to hiding how he really felt if it was anything that he thought might upset those around him. Makoto didn't want people to know that he was unhappy or frustrated or sad. Sometimes he buried his own problems so deep within himself that Makoto had no idea what was wrong when it all came crashing down later. There had been quite a few nights where they’d had to sort through a mess of things to figure out what the real problem was. At first Sousuke thought it was because his lover was embarrassed about being upset over something but he’d quickly dismissed that notion. They weren’t in high school anymore and even if Sousuke still found some emotional things hard to talk about, that was just his nature, Makoto certainly didn’t. No, Makoto hid when he was unhappy or upset so that the people around him wouldn’t be unhappy or upset; so that _Sousuke_ wouldn’t be unhappy or upset. It was so he could focus on making those he cared about happy.

 

Knowing this, it was hard for Sousuke not to press his lover any further about where or why he wanted to go after finals. He wanted to delve deeper but he knew that Makoto would just tell him not to worry and to focus on his studies. So he did the only thing he could for now and pushed his worry to the back of his mind.

 

By the time finals were over, Sousuke had forgotten all about Makoto's request. Things had been so hectic that they'd barely had time to even see each other let alone talk. So when he came back to their small apartment after his last final to see two small bags packed and Makoto sitting on the couch looking more worn than Sousuke had ever seen him, worry and apprehension nearly made his heart stop. "Makoto?" He called quietly as he took off his shoes and walked over to the other. "What are the bags for?" Makoto just gave him a small and tired, though somehow reassuring, smile.

 

"I'd like to go to Iwatobi for a few days but only if you want to come with me." He explained and Sousuke visibly relaxed before confusion replaced his relief. Why did Makoto seem...reluctant to go? They'd been back to Iwatobi plenty of times since becoming a couple. They'd even done the whole meet your parents as boyfriends and not just friends thing. He loved the Tachibana’s and the sentiment, as far as Sousuke could tell, was returned so it surely didn't have anything to do with his other's family. He was sure Makoto would have told him if it was. So what could have him so distant and somber?

 

"Of course I'll go but...what's going on?" The taller male asked as he suddenly remembered their conversation in the library. Among the many things that Sousuke had learned about getting information out of his lover was that when you wanted to know something asking straightforward questions was the way to go with Makoto. He would keep things bottled up forever if Sousuke let him. He wouldn’t always answer right away but he would also never lie. Makoto was usually just trying not to worry him but that generally back fired anyway because Sousuke didn't like to be kept in the dark about things, which would have been ironic if he had ever stopped to think about it. 

 

For a moment, Makoto didn't respond and Sousuke could feel himself tensing for an argument. He really didn't want to argue right now or ever, really, but Makoto just sighed and stood up before giving him a soft kiss. "I'll explain when we get there, I promise. No hiding this time," He told the taller boy with a soft smile and Sousuke could only sigh and shake his head in resignation.

 

After an incident involving Makoto breaking down one night about two weeks after Haru had left for Australia, " _no hiding"_ had become their code for "I'm going to tell you but I'm not ready yet or sure how to". Communication was something that they were constantly working on. Sousuke never spoke about anything that was really bothering him unless Makoto, in a way that only he could manage, gently yet firmly coaxed it out of him and Makoto had spent so many years perfecting a smile for his friends and family that he was still learning that he didn't have to be fine all the time. The fact that Makoto had used the phrase told Sousuke three things: one, Makoto was not alright, two, Makoto was aware that he was not alright, and three, he promised to tell Sousuke about it in the near future. Sousuke could live with that.

 

"Alright." He agreed, finally returning that small smile, though his worry didn't lessen. Makoto's own smile seemed to brighten a little and he kissed Sousuke again before looking at him with his own concerned frown.  
 

"We don't have to leave now. I know that was your hardest exam and you must be tired. We could leave tomorrow if you want?" He sounded almost hopeful which only deepened Sousuke's ever growing concern. Whatever was going on with his lover they needed to address and it was obvious they needed to do it sooner rather than later.

 

Shaking his head, Sousuke gave him a genuine and reassuring smile. "Nah, it's alright. If we go now then we could be at your parents' place by dinner and I now Ran and Ren have been dying to see you," His mention of the twins had its desired affect and Makoto's smile grew into a truly fond one as he thought of his siblings.

 

"You're right. Let's go."

 

It had been close but they had made it for dinner, pleasantly surprising Makoto's family. To anyone on the outside, dinner had been the jovial event it always was with Makoto indulging his siblings, Sousuke teasing them fondly, and Makoto's parents asking how school was going with genuine curiosity.  For Sousuke, everything seemed a little bit off. Makoto was quieter than he usually was, obviously distracted by whatever had suddenly brought them back to their home town in the first place. The twins seemed to pick up on it and were far less noisy and demanding of their brother's attention then they usually were. Mr. Tachibana seemed to be weighing each of Makoto's answers to his questions as if trying to gauge what might be wrong and Mrs. Tachibana kept giving Sousuke these worried looks to which Sousuke could only shrug and try to give her a reassuring look in return. The whole thing was weird. Makoto was usually overly aware of how everyone around him was feeling but tonight he didn't seem to notice the worry that they all felt.

 

When everyone had finished eating, Mrs. Tachibana had declared that it was time for the twins to go to bed which of course was met with a chorus of pleas to stay up with Mako-nii and Sou-nii. Makoto had merely chuckled and promised that they would take the twins to the park tomorrow. That had appeased them and soon they were scampering off to bed with their mother. Standing to help clear the table, both Sousuke and Makoto were surprised when they were stopped by Mr. Tachibana. "I'll take care of this, boys." He told them with a warm smile and shooed them off. Makoto looked surprised but Sousuke took the opportunity for what it was: a chance to figure out what was going on. Taking Makoto's hand, he drew him into the living room and pulled him close, obvious concern on his features. "Makoto…" He started only to trail off, not sure how to approach the subject. Words had never been his strong suit. Makoto just looked at him fondly for a moment before nodding.

 

"I know. Come with me," His voice sounded exactly like it had when they'd been studying in the library before finals and all Sousuke could do was nod in return. Makoto led him towards the door, pausing only briefly to tell his dad that they were stepping out. The sun was just starting to set and no one else seemed to be around. Sousuke was burning to ask questions but Makoto seemed comfortable in the silence and he didn't want to press. Instead, he reached out for his other's hand, feeling that same warm fluttering in his chest that always happened when Makoto took it and laced their fingers together. For the moment, they could both just enjoy the quiet spring evening. So lost in this own thoughts, Sousuke was surprised when he noticed where exactly they had ended up.

 

The sun was setting on the water, making the sky and ocean look orange and red. As they stood there on the sand looking out across the ocean, the water reaching for their shoes, Sousuke felt Makoto tense beside him. His gaze looked far away, like he was seeing something only he could see; maybe even something he didn't want to see.

 

"Haru and Rin are coming back from Australia to visit next month." Makoto finally spoke up quietly after watching the sun nearly sink into the waves. Sousuke could tell from the other's tone that this wasn't what Makoto really wanted to talk about but he also knew that saying how he really felt could be surprisingly hard for his lover.

 

"Yeah, Rin told me. He said Nagisa wants to have a reunion party here on the beach since it'll be warm." The taller male responded just as quietly, feeling like there was some unspoken need to do so. Makoto didn't need him to loudly force anything out of him right now. Sousuke knew that Makoto was gathering his thoughts and just needed him to be his silent support.

 

So he waited and for a while, Makoto didn't say anything. He just kept staring out over the ocean. As he stood there in the fading light, tense and subdued, with his hair blown softly by the light breeze, Sousuke was sure he had never seen anything more beautiful… or more hauntingly sad. "Have I ever told you…" Makoto's voice drew him out of his thoughts and he refocused his gaze to meet the green eyes staring at him. "That I'm afraid of the ocean?" His gaze and voice were quiet and kind of sad as he said it and he quickly looked away afterwards. Sousuke couldn't keep the surprised look off of his face though it quickly turned into one of guilt as he looked down at the sand.

 

"No, you haven't," He finally murmured in reply. How could he have not known that? How had it never come up before? Before he could voice either of those questions, Makoto was continuing, drawing Sousuke's gaze back up to the other's face, now partially hidden by his bangs and the shadows cast by the fading light.

 

"I have been ever since I was little. The storm that...took Rin's dad also...also took a friend of mine. A kind old man who used to play with me," Sousuke remembered that storm. Rin had been so devastated. He hadn't known what to do to help him. He hadn't realized that Makoto had known someone else who had been lost that awful day. "I just remember the procession of all those men in white…"

 

Sousuke saw that the other's hands were clenched tightly at his sides and that he was trembling slightly. He wanted so badly to wrap his arms around the other, to offer what comfort he could, but he remained rooted to his spot a few feet away, just listening as Makoto tried to figure out how to say what he wanted.

 

"I can't really explain it but every time I look at the ocean all I can think about are those men...about the kind old man and Rin's dad. It only got worse when...when Rei almost drowned that first year." He said the last part so quietly that Sousuke almost hadn't heard it.

 

He was shocked to say the least. Rei had almost drowned? What in the world was he doing out in the ocean? From what Sousuke had heard, the guy couldn't swim when he had first joined the team. "What happened?" He asked softly, moving a little closer to the other but still not touching him more than their joined hands. He didn’t notice that his grip got a little tighter. Makoto let out tired sigh and ran a hand through his hair before it returned to its clenched position at his side.

 

"Gou had found an old training regimen used by the original Iwatobi swim team. The team swam from island to island each day. Only Haru knew about my fear at the time and Gou, Nagisa, and Rei seemed so excited about it… I couldn't say no. I’d thought I had gotten over it and I thought that swimming with everyone would help. And it really did at the start but then…" He trailed off again and Sousuke finally couldn't take it any longer.

 

Closing the gap between them, he wrapped his arms around the slightly shorter boy from behind, hugging him tightly and giving him the only support he could right now. He felt Makoto's trembling get worse for just a moment before he relaxed against him and brought his own hands to rest on top of Sousuke's arms. "Rei felt like he wasn't doing enough to keep up with us so he decided to go out on his own one night."

 

An involuntary growl left Sousuke at the boy's stupidity and he held Makoto that much tighter. He had a feeling he knew where this was going. Makoto just gently squeezed his arms to sooth him. " It was his first time in the ocean. He didn't know any better. A storm blew up and he got carried really far out. I woke up and heard him calling for help. I didn't even think, I just dove in and swam out to him but just before I reached him I… I realized he was drowning. He was drowning and I was frozen. All I could think about where those men in white and that Rei was _drowning_ and I...I couldn't move, couldn't help him. I think I passed out because the next thing I remember I was waking up on the beach with Haru. He and Nagisa had managed to get Rei and I to shore. I ended up telling them everything." He was trembling again and all Sousuke could do was hold him tighter, bury his face against his shoulder, and try his hardest not to hate Rei at that moment. He didn't say anything because he knew if he did it would just come out angry and that was just because he was terrified at the thought of Makoto almost drowning; terrified that he could have lost Makoto before he'd ever had him and all because of one simple mistake.

 

 _'How stupid can someone be to go out into the ocean alone at night? If Nagisa knows then why is he planning a party on the beach?_ _Why are we here if you can't stop trembling just from looking at it?'_ Sousuke kept those thoughts to himself, knowing that there was more that Makoto needed to say. He could feel it in how tense he was still standing and the slight tremor that went through him every so often.

 

"I don't blame Rei and I know that it took a long time for him to be able to forgive himself. When Nagisa called and told me his plan for the party, he and Rei asked if that was alright with me. They… asked if I would be alright. They sounded so concerned...how could I tell them that I haven't been back here since that summer? That I still have nightmares?" His voice was trembling and he had pressed a hand to his face as he leaned into Sousuke even more. "I couldn't do that to them. Especially not Rei but...I don't know if I can do this. Just standing here..."

 

"Makoto…" Sousuke breathed quietly, love and concern lacing his tone. Everything was starting to make sense and he could only wonder, was there no limit to the selflessness of his other? He was so worried about worrying and hurting Rei and Nagisa that he'd forced himself to come out here; to stand on this beach and be close to the ocean even though he was still terrified. Sousuke had known about the nightmares but Makoto rarely wanted to speak about them. He'd rather just forget them and Sousuke was more than willing to do whatever his lover needed. Still, he wished he'd pressed more now. Makoto was so upset; upset about being afraid, upset that he couldn't get over it, and upset because he thought that he was going to hurt his friends with his fear. He was so strong for everyone all the time. He'd been Sousuke's anchor more than once. It was time Sousuke returned the favor.

 

Pulling away slightly, he turned Makoto to look at him and give him a warm smile. "Do you trust me?" He asked, a plan forming in his mind. Makoto just looked at him like he was insane for even asking.

 

"Of course I do." He replied, confusion at being asked such a thing evident on his features. "You know that."

 

Sousuke just grinned at him. "Then take off your shoes and socks." Realization dawned on Makoto's face and for a moment Sousuke thought he was going to balk, that maybe this idea was too much to ask. Before he could take it back though, his lover was gently pulling away from him and leaning down to untie his shoes and take off his socks. Sousuke quickly moved to do the same. Once they were both barefoot, he took the other boy's hand and started to lead him toward the water, pausing every time Makoto tensed, and gently leading him further in once he'd relaxed. They should have probably taken off the rest of their clothes, it was going to suck walking back wet, but that wasn't what was important right now. People felt safer in clothes, less exposed to whatever they were afraid of, and right now all Sousuke wanted Makoto to feel was safe.

 

Makoto let him lead him out until their feet barely touched the bottom before he froze, his whole body going rigid and his eyes going wide and distant again. Sousuke knew that he was seeing the men in white; that he was seeing Rei. Ever so gently, he pulled them so they were flush against each other, one arm wrapped around the shorter boy's waist, the other hand cupping his cheek. "I'm right here, Mako." He murmured softly, pressing a kiss to his cheek. Makoto started slightly, as if he'd been pulled back to reality but he didn't relax. "You're here and I'm here and you're safe. Just think about us and how this feels." Sousuke continued to murmur soft encouraging things against the other's skin and slowly, so slowly, he felt the body against his start to lose its tension. Feeling a hand on his cheek, he looked up and his teal eyes met the green ones he loved so much. They were back to being soft and warm and Sousuke felt a loving smile spread on his lips.

 

It never ceased to amaze him, how much Makoto could convey to him with those eyes. Right now, there was nothing but love and gratitude in them and he held that gaze until he was drawn into a deep and slow kiss. When they eventually had to pull apart, both of them were left breathless as they rested their foreheads together.

 

"I love you," Makoto murmured softly, his smile warm and soft and one that Sousuke couldn't help but return.

 

"And I love you," He replied just as softly before pulling away slightly. "How do you feel?" He couldn't help but ask. He wanted to make sure that this had worked, even if only a little. Makoto's smile just grew.

 

"Surprisingly well, actually. Thank you for this. Thank you for coming with me." Sousuke could tell from his tone and that genuine smile that he was being truthful and not just trying to brush off Sousuke's worry. That nagging feeling of concern he'd had since he'd gotten home from his last exam finally eased and disappeared from his mind.

 

"Come on, before it gets any colder. It is still only spring. Your mom's gonna scold us for getting wet in our clothes." Sousuke couldn't help but chuckle as he pulled them both out of the water. Shivering as they grabbed their shoes and socks, Makoto smirked at him.

 

"And whose fault is it that we're soaked in our clothes?" His green eyed beauty teased and Sousuke's own smirk just grew as he pulled Makoto against his side and headed for home.

 

"Mine and I'll gladly take responsibility for the rest of our lives." He replied without looking at his other. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the surprise flash on Makoto’s face before it was replaced with a warm smile and a light blush; his reward was feeling the other lean into him even more as they walked. The rest of their lives probably wasn't long enough for either of them but it would do for now.

 

**Author's Note:**

> If you want to come hang out on tumblr I am [axel-grinatthegrimmestoftimes](https://axel-grinatthegrimmestoftimes.tumblr.com)


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